So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
