butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize