My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
