hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
