Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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