I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
