Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
