you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize