By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
