why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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