what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
