hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
