the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
