I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
