I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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