I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
