hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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