Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
