I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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