I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
