I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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