I should be sponsored by Trojan
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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