So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
