I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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