i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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