We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I could fuck to npr.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
