i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
