I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
