When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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