i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
