also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
PANTIES FOUND
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