My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
