We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
