I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Green mimosas i think yes
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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