I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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