I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
