Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
