Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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