I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
