operation have a gay friend backfired
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
