sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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