my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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