to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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