my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
