My sheets look like a crime scene.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
