I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
