Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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