K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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