i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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