So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
