In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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