I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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