The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
