i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
