My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
