He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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