Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize