i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's just so happy...and so naked.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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