think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
