he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
