Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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