Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my being single is dangerous.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
