Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
