He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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