This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
