I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
