Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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