We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
