He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
