y did u give ur computer a hand job?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
