Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
