Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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