Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
