I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
