and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize