Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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