3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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