yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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