I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
