If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so let's talk penis.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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