Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
