Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
