Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
