This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
